im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
