Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
