So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
