True but thats because hes a fetus.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
