your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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