He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
