I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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