I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
