dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
