I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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