smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
