I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
