Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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