I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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