I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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