there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My ass is underappreciated
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
