I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Im part way to drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
