david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
