they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
