She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
