highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
