can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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