for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
