Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
