Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
