im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
