And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
