I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish you could order shots online.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
