Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
