Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
