ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
