I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
