i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
