I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
