Porn is love you can see.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
