sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
