can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
