we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
