all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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