Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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