More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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