I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
