can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
