Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
