I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
