Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
