the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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