we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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