I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
