If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
