She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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