her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
