I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
