I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
