When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
