fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
