Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
