I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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